How I Rediscovered Myself on a Solo Trip to Mexico
I am currently on my way back from a beautiful, solo and much needed trip to Mexico. Initially I wasn’t going to go. How could I leave the kids? Mom guilt was taking over. Even though it was only for a few days, I felt so like I burdening my family. Anwyays, when I started to pack for the trip, I thought, what would I actually need? The clothes part was easy. As I started to think, what would I need on the plane? It was odd cause whenever we pack it’s always kids kids kids. We need their snacks, their milk, their activities and so on. For once, I thought what would I do on the plane? Although my husband and I have traveled alone without the kids, I have not traveled alone actually ever. I’ve always traveled with my husband. Before marriage, I was young and it wasn’t something I was allowed to do and typically went everywhere with my family. So as someone in my 20s, as an adult, this was a totally new experience. I write this fresh as can be on the plane back: this was the best thing I could of done for myself. Along the way, I learned a lot I didn’t even know I needed to.
I have interests too.
When I started to pack some books and download podcasts, I realized they were all related to parenting. As much as iA enjoy that, I realized I had lost a lot of my interests. I decided that for this short trip I would remind myself of my own interests. During the trips, we all decided to go jet skiing. I forgot how adventurous I used to be! I used to take all type of risks but after kids it’s harder to be “fun” Even though we flipped over and were floating in the middle of the ocean, it was totally worth it.
I need to make time for my spiritual self.
This was one was probably least expected especially in Mexico. I was able to pray, on time! I was able to wake up for Fajr and actually enjoy the sunrise. Most of my prayers are rushed because one of the kids is either hungry, crying or sleepy. Very few of my prayers have full concentration and it was so nice just to focus and really go through the motions.
My expectations of myself are too high.
This was hard to accept. I thought a lot about all I have to do in a day. Keep the house clean, have activities for a Safa, cook fresh meals, workout and the list goes on. I realized sometimes, some things will have to give but I need to put myself first like making healthy meals and working out. I won’t always do the dishes and I won’t have the most elaborate activities for Safa and that’s okay.
I cannot do it all and I never will.
Similar to the precious one, I cannot do it all. We as women and mothers can have it all just not at the same time. Sometimes I’ll be able to stay home and enjoy time with my kids and other times my career will peak and other times I’ll be pulled in all directions. I need to enjoy being present in the blessings I have in that moment.
I have become engrossed in parenting.
Don’t get me wrong. I love being a mother. It has given me joy like nothing I’ve experienced. However, it’s become the center of my life. I still want to be an excellent mom by reading up on parenting books and listening to podcast. But I have to remember my other interests too. I tend to take one thing and make it everything whether it be my career, blogging or parenting. I am slowly learning to divide my time.
I am a whole separate person.
I am a mother but I’m also a daughter, a social worker, a wife, a friend, a Muslim, a community member and so on. I cannot let one thing take complete control of my life. I need to keep my identity so I can teach and pass this on to my kids. I’ll do everything for my family, but I have to first love myself. If my cup is empty, what will I give to others?
After this trip, I came up with some self care tips for myself and thought I’d share with everyone.
Take a day to yourself.
I was fortunate enough due to my family that I was able to get a few days to myself. This is a rare opportunity, but if you can try to take a day or even half a day for yourself. Massage, workout, nails, coffee, etc. Get a break. For myself, this helped me recenter and come back my kids as a happier and more present mom.
Find a daily habit.
We all can’t take a day to ourselves, so try to find a daily habit that helps you center. Meditation, a long shower, coffee break, working out— whatever you enjoy! The key to remember it should also be helpful to you and not something that negatively impacts you. Or else more guilt will come later and that just isn’t helpful.
Learn to say no.
This is hard. Say no to hang outs, no to events and parties. Of course, don’t shut out your family but you don’t have to be at everything. This one took me a long time to accept especially with having FOMO but over the years it has gotten easier.
Hope this helps you Mama’s out there.
with love
a thoughtful mama